Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
