Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
