party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
