: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
