i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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