my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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