Sry I called you an 8
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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