How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
