just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
