the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
