Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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