We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
His nipple licking is glorious
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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