I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
