Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
