I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
