We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
