It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
