i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
