My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
