Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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