Where is the hickey?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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