it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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