So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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