i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
