Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
