Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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