So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
