Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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