whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
