We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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