The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
