Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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