i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
