carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
