So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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