and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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