Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
