wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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