Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i believe in u and ur pee
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
