What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
