her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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