you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
