Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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