oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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