Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
