Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
