I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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