we have officially lost it.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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