Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
