so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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